Childhood fears - afraid of the dark
Humans have evolved to be fearful. Our ancestors faced life and death situations on a daily basis and it was only by fearing the dangerous things they encountered that they were able to survive, procreate and give rise to modern-day humans. And, as a result, fear remains an integral self-defence mechanism.
Whilst fear is an essential part of our make-up, it can be problematic: the difficulty is in differentiating fears that are useful and proportionate and those fears that are not.
Fortunately, as a parent, there is a lot you can do to help your child to feel secure in the world and to manage their fears. However, to do this you will have to be strong and model secure behaviour, you will also need to know when a fear is reasonable and proportionate and when it has crossed the line into becoming a phobia.
A phobia is a fear that has grown to such an extent that it has become irrational and overpowering and results in a fight or flight response or a disabling level of anxiety. As a culture we use the word “phobia” a lot, but, technically speaking, something can only be called a phobia if it has been diagnosed as part of an anxiety disorder.
Phobias are common, however, and research suggests that as many as 9.2 per cent of children and adolescents suffer from some form of phobia(1). Speak with your GP if you think your child might be suffering from a phobia.
Although there is a strong component of genetic predisposition governing the likelihood that a child will exhibit traits of phobias and anxiety, there are also strong aspects of parental role modelling and individual experience involved(2) – for example, if a child witnesses a parent becoming stressed and anxious when confronted with certain situations or stimuli, they are more likely to be prone to the development of similar responses.
Most children are, at some point or other in their developmental journey, afraid of monsters, the dark, strangers or some other common trigger. In fact, fear is a normal part of development as your child begins to make sense of the world around them and to forge a sense of their own identity as well as their separateness from parents.
Typically, a baby’s first fears will involve loud noises. This is because their sensory systems are still developing and although they will hear and feel a loud noise, they will have no ability to identify its source or causes. Typical sources of sound-related baby fears include:
As your baby gets older, their fears will become easier to identify but in some ways more baffling. Why, you might think, does the dark suddenly become scary, when they have previously been happy to go to sleep with the light out? Or you might ask yourself why your child suddenly becomes afraid of dogs when they previously approached them without fear.
However, it is completely normal for fears to develop in this way; in fact, it is a natural consequence of your child’s greater cognitive capacity and understanding of the world around them.
Common fears of older babies and toddlers include:
Separation anxiety is very common between the ages of 6 months and 3 years. It is a normal part of development and you can read more about it in our article “Separation anxiety in babies and children“.
Fear of the dark is perhaps the “classic” early childhood fear. It is hardly surprising; the dark is the unknown and the unknown is the place where children’s imaginations can run wild, inventing or elaborating all manner or creaks, groans, shadows and monsters under the bed.
However, it is possible to help your child cope with a fear of the dark. Things you can do include:
The single most important thing you can do to help your baby or child with their fears is to be calm, empathic and supportive. Acknowledge their fears, engage with them through your own calm actions and demonstrate that you and your child are safe and secure.
However, this does not mean that you should overly-accommodate your child’s fear as this may only serve to make things worse. Instead, accept that helping your child to overcome their fears is a slow process that will involve exposing them, gently and gradually, to the source of their fear, offering regular reassurance, and, if your child is old enough to understand, providing facts and information that can help to correctly contextualise their worries.
Lastly, it is important that you offer praise when your child engages with their fears and that you accept small measures of progress for what they are without looking to hurry things along; moving too fast may prove counterproductive.
As a loving and caring parent it can be hard to resist the temptation, but try not to overly remind your child to “be careful” in their everyday encounters as this can lead them to become anxious and hyper-vigilant. Also, try hard not to pre-empt your child’s fears too much – for example, if your child is afraid of dogs, don’t hurry them into their pushchair every time you pass a dog, as this will only serve to teach them that their fears are justified.
The more confidence you show the more you are demonstrating secure modelling and, hopefully, your child will adopt similar confidence .
If your child’s fears are preventing them from doing basic activities, are preventing them from enjoying themselves or disrupting their lives to some extent, you should speak with your GP or mental health professional about receiving help. For example, fear of eating or using the toilet can require sensitive handling so as not to be detrimental to your child’s health..
1. http://www.childrenshospital.org/conditions-and-treatments/conditions/p/phobias/symptoms-and-causes
2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC193636/